At that point I was far closer to killing myself than I was at any other point during the tragedy—I felt sure it was my only option. I started seeing Dr. Smith and my appointed therapist, Dr. Betty Everett, every day, and at Dr. I was willing to try anything to feel better. Kate is a rare-books dealer, and she has a friend named June—an extraordinary woman who runs estate sales and has something like , square feet of warehouse space filled with rugs and antiques and china.
Opening one of her boxes, one might find an antique doll, a teapot cozy—and a complete set of early—twentieth century sterling silver from Tiffany. Every day was an actual treasure trove. But more important, as I spent day upon day going through box upon box looking for beautiful objects, two things happened. One, I had to stay in the present moment.
The second thing was that as we found old photographs, I was forced to reckon with loss, with transience. I came to understand and be at peace with the notion that the people in the pictures I was looking at were all gone now—that the little girl in who owned the doll I was holding in my hands was dead; that all this stuff was really just the ephemera that gets left behind.
There was really no judgment about it. Little by little, I was getting my brain back online. With each passing day I had more and more plans. Going back to New York was still out of the question—I thought I had to change everything and was going to become an antiques dealer in Little Rock. God bless Kate and June for playing along. In October, Kate and I traveled to the Marburger antiques show in Texas—this huge, high-end fair located in a tiny town halfway between Houston and Austin—where June let us take over her booth and do whatever we wanted.
I thought this was fantastic: We were going to figure out the whole operation and be a great success. I literally did not sell a thing. I think it might be time for me to think about going back. First, though, I had to get through Christmas.
I knew that the mere feeling in the air—the falling temperature, the fading light—would be more than I could bear. A couple in Colorado had started it in the name of their twelve-year-old daughter, who had died. The girls there ranged in age from two to about seventeen—one of them was the only survivor of a car accident that killed her mother and father and her three brothers and sisters; others had fathers who had tried to sell them into the sex trade or marry them off for money.
So my friend and I went there to help out. She also spent time in a facility in Nashville, before moving to Little Rock, Arkansas, and spending nearly a year living with good friend Kate Askew and her husband. On the first anniversary of the fire, Badger volunteered at an orphanage in Thailand during Christmas, bringing along a bag of toys that had belonged to her children.
But if these little girls were living their lives with joy and happiness, I realized — and if they could give their love to me after all they had been through — how could I possibly feel sorry for myself?
In June, she returned to work at the ad agency in Manhattan that she runs with partner Jim Winters. Her ex-husband, Matthew, the father of her three daughters, continues to honor their children through his work with the LilySarahGraceFund , which helps bring the arts into public schools. I feel incredibly sad for him. She declined to comment further. Both Badger and the father of her children have outstanding lawsuits against the city of Stamford.
The pair have since split, with Badger marrying long-time friend Bill Duke in , even though she struggled for a long time to come to terms with the death of her young children. Borcina said in the deposition he hasn't spoken to Badger since six months after the fire. According to the filings, seen by the Hartford Courant , he said he fabricated the tale as he wanted to 'spare her from carrying the burden that maybe she had done something to hurt her family.
Borcina and Badger, who were dating at the time, escaped the fire in Stamford. The deposition is part of one of several lawsuits filed by the children's father, Matthew Badger. Badger's claims against several subcontractors and their insurance carriers remain active, and the deposition was part of those lawsuits.
Matthew Badger and Madonna Badger also still have separate lawsuits pending against the city. Neither he nor Madonna Badger immediately returned calls Monday seeking comment. Authorities said the fire began after Borcina left a cardboard box of fireplace ashes, which were still smoldering, in the property's mudroom.
The building was torn down a day after the blaze ripped through it. A state prosecutor concluded in that no criminal charges should be filed. Madonna Badger has said that Borcina ran his hands over the ashes to make sure they were out before putting the bag in the bin in the mudroom, just before they went to sleep after wrapping presents early on Christmas morning. Madonna Badger, an advertising executive in New York, is also suing the city, alleging Stamford officials intentionally destroyed evidence when they demolished Badger's home without notice shortly after the fire.
City officials denied that. But comments in recent depositions appear to show he has changed his story The waterfront house is pictured the day of the fire. The girls left pictured with their maternal grandparents, Lomar and Pauline Johnson, who also died in the house fire. In the aftermath, the parents struggled with their incomprehensible loss. Matthew Badger set up a charity named the Lily Sarah Grace Fund to raise money for arts projects in schools, as his three girls had been dyslexic and loved art.
A very frank YouTube video for the campaign that she initially posted anonymously two weeks ago has already received hundreds of thousands of views for its powerful message. Badger has also pledged that her firm, Badger and Winters Group, will not use women as props or overly re-touch photos of women in their advertising.
Badger's announcement of her new crusade comes less than a month after the four-year anniversary of the most difficult day of her life. Badger and then-boyfriend Michael Borcina, a contractor who was renovating the home, were the only survivors.
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