What is the difference between a blonde and an ironing board

God and Jesus were ironing out the last few details of his life on earth. Which do you prefer? What do you call an ironing board that makes clothes wrinklier? Irony board. A strange woman approached me in a shady bar. A friend of mine got married because he was tired of ironing his shirts I saw an ironing board with wrinkles in it I thought that was pretty ironic.

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in.

Smith leaned forward. Smith looked extremely worried now. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

One man even leaves. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them back-toback. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled. A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. Are you celebrating something? A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter.

By the way, my name is Jill. One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer? A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years.

On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.

The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife also. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I will remove my unit unscathed.

In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of! The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on not baby talk. She asked Wendy what she had done over the weekend.

Use big people words! PERIOD The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself. He always wanted a nice big hog. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale sign on it.

Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition He inquires about it with the owner. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape. On to Mars!

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing. My kid had sex with your honor student. How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks! The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We are born naked, wet and hungry. What is the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

It's easier to open the legs on the blonde. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, then stopped at the bank to make a deposit.

He went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. Then it was already 1 P. He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way more We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! Sadly, the two boring business men arrived first and claimed the two lower bunks. As it happens, the ironing Sorry wait for 9 months A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home.

He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed :- "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, What's long, hard and makes a woman moan when erect?